Apr 24th, 2008
On the Scene: Idol Results Show
The palindrome is dead; all hail the palindrome. Yes, PopWatchers, just when I was starting to like her, Kristy Lee "KLK" Cook — wide stance, Evita hands, MechaZilla survival skills and all — was asked to leave American Idol’s dwindling island tonight, during an episode most remarkable for its complete mindfrak of an elimination construct. This was a night which will also forever live in infamy as the first and hopefully only time I’ll be hypnotized into downloading an American Idol iTune. Damn you, David Cook, and your infernal talent. You’re making me go all soft! Between your bizarrely appealing emo versions of cheesy songs I love and the persistent, itchy crush I’ve developed on Seacrest, I don’t even know who I am anymore. What’s next? I start watching Dancing with the Stars? I buy a Clay Aiken CD? I stop being totally creeped out by all these group numbers in which the Idol contestants sing about God and praying?
Okay, that last thing will never happen. But rather than launch into one of those rants you folks love so much — this time featuring my strongly held belief that if I want to hear evangelical music, there are channels other than Fox for my doomed soul to surf, thank you very much, and hey, I wonder what God thinks of all the families that network tried to destroy with Moment of Truth? — I’ll just go ahead and start the rundown of what happened during today’s taping, featuring none other than Ms. Mariah Carey herself. Join me after the jump, won’t you? The Baby Jesus would want you to!
We were called to arrive at CBS Television City no later than 5 p.m. today lest we miss the Carey festivities, so I hustled my way to the studio, forgetting to leave my iPod and cell phone in the car. Of course, this was the one day they decided to clamp down on security, and next thing I knew, the iPod was confiscated. (Not the useful, show-stealing piece of technology, mind you — just the lump of third-generation ancientness that plays host to my wide variety of angry music.) Once I took my seat, the long arm of the law came for me again: The CBS pages were out in force with their gum cups, trying to collect our minty freshness. Well. You can take my iPod, Idol, but you can’t take my gum. As I sat there trying desperately not to move my jaw, I took a quick glance around the studio. Here is my tally of employees chewing gum:
Tags: go, lyrics, tell
8 Responses to “On the Scene: Idol Results Show”
There’s no such thing as total security, no matter how many rights the government takes away from us. So I’d rather roll the dice on the terrorists, than not be able to bitch about Bush and cronies. Besides you could always get killed by that runaway ice cream truck, which is more likely than getting killed by a terrorist anyway.
Who are these two dorks anyway? Do they have any credentials other than talking heads?
What some of you below are not seeing is that he does not believe in the official report from 9/11. He is basically an agnostic on the idea of other events happening. I am from Minnesota and personally loved him for speaking what he had on his mind, no matter if I agreed with it or not. He made some fairly good comments about religion before.
Damn I love Jesse. I loved him as the mayor of Bloomington, Gov of MN, and I love him now. Rock on Jesse. I (a former Minnesotan) am behind ya.
Arnold and Jesse Ventura for president! And the rest of the cast from Predator.
Then why not just blow up the buildings with explosives and blame the terrorists? Oh, never mind.
Personally, I believe elements of the “shadow government” are the ones that pulled it off. The reason that non-shadow government (NORAD) stood down was because they thought it was part of a drill. Was Bush behind it? Well, yes and no, Bush is a total puppet and I think if anything Cheney was more involved. Daddy Bush may have been involved. Hard to say, but this is my 2 cents.