Eustace

The Starbucks Melting Pot

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Starbucks is the only place in the world where you can find such a random smattering of people; caffeine-ridden high school kids, depressed businesspeople, stressed out students, people on weird “this is our first date but not really” things, and creative, artsy sorts of people.
I’m not sure what the draw is about Starbucks, but even holding a water cup with that quintessential logo on it makes you feel cool and special and sophisticated, almost like “This isn’t just water, it’s Starbucks water.”
That could be the reason for the variety of people.
The preteen kids in Starbucks don’t really like coffee, because they’ve never actually tasted it. They arrive in herds, and always get the biggest size of some sugary confection that tastes nothing like coffee. Some “mocha-licious-frappa-sugar” thing, piled high with whipped cream and chocolate shavings. They suck these things down like a Dyson vacuum and then run around chasing each other in some sort of sugar and caffeine induced form of teenage flirting. So cute.
Then there are the businesspeople. These are the most depressing specimens at Starbucks, so I’ll make it quick. Hunched over a shiny new laptop + large black coffee + bags under the eyes = the depressed businessperson who got off work at 5 but is still working until Starbucks closes. I always just want to give them a hug.
Next we have the stress-case students who use coffee as a tool to help them plow through studying with speedy, caffeinated energy and a nervous twitch. They are surrounded by empty Venti cups, crumpled class notes, and heavy textbooks, and are sweating and shaking from all of the coffee. They occupy a cushy couch in the corner for hours on end, and even if there is a group of them, no one really talks, they just read and scribble things down and get up only to go pee (which is frequent, thanks to 5 cups of coffee). I always wonder if they actually do well on tests with this method.

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9 Responses to “The Starbucks Melting Pot”

  1. Bartholomew on 14 May 2008 at 12:39 pm

    SNL ultimate taco video

  2. Ferdie on 14 May 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Think of all the waste that is Java. Maybe assembly will make a comeback by solving its weaknesses: portability and redundancy. Maybe there could be assembly libs. Of course, then you might as well use C++. But maybe it will be the other way around some day.

  3. Odelia on 14 May 2008 at 2:20 pm

    MisterMerkin is talking about shots of -syrup-.

  4. Noelle on 14 May 2008 at 3:10 pm

    I agree with you. Interestingly I did not place a gender to the writer while reading it.The other thing is that I thought he was doing it to be funny. He winced when he drank it, it wasn’t like he was wanting a tasty drink–he was just trying to get the bill as high as possible so he could use the coupon.

  5. Kayly on 14 May 2008 at 4:01 pm

    But not nearly as portable. Think of all the waste that is required to port it about to needed platforms.

  6. Peggie on 14 May 2008 at 4:51 pm

    you had me at guacamolito sauce

  7. Corey on 14 May 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Corporate coffee sucks.

  8. Brook on 14 May 2008 at 6:33 pm

    I don’t think they sell those at Starbucks.